"Violent, selfish, lazy and cowardly." Yes a lot of men are that way. But so are a lot of women, even if the violence on their part is more likely to be emotional or channeled through a man. Also the impulse chart: you're leaving off all the good stuff, like art. But your dreams! Your dreams are friggin' eloquent.
Maybe I'll get around to the positive stuff but for now I'm trying to contextualize the negative (or selfish and greedy at least) and maybe meanwhile weaken some of the direct blows that have been coming our way the past few years...
What do you mean re: direct blows? I think I know but want to be sure.
Also this may seem unrelated but have you read any V. Nabokov? I'm thinking in particular of a whimsical essay he wrote titled The Art of Literature and Commonsense.
Mary, I feel I need to acknowledge your extreme grace and wisdom every time I write, so let me do that by saying thank you for writing.
I mean above, is that in my particular circles, since, 2017, Trump, #metoo, etc., some of the women have had a hard time separating SOME MEN from ALL MEN, and I feel like I've suffered some reactive, verbal vengeance not necessarily personally deserved.
But since in the long scheme of things it's not much to bear, I've taken it, but I feel like writing this is helping me explain things a little. Also, things have quieted down, things are less acute in the public sphere.
Re: Nabakov: I've read and LOVED the essentials, Lolita, Pale Fire especially, a couple dozen short stories, but not much more beyond that. I will certainly read the essay you mentioned.
It's related to the above. In the same "circles" (I'm calling them), Nabokov is written off now as a pedophile, or least celebrator of them.
Truth is, I know more utter Nabokov fiends who are women and not men, but in general, the superficial tone these days is to lump Nabokov in with *potential* abusers.
Thanks again for writing.
(Your book *This is Pleasure* was utterly clear in it's wide ranging ability to see far into topics like these, thank you.)
This is so much to reply to! I would rather email but can't see what it is. But please, you don't have to acknowledge any grace or wisdom on my part. I have just been so confused and actually "out of it" in my life that I've had to think harder about many things than most people.
So now I know what you mean. I'm glad to say I don't personally know anyone who reads Nabokov so simplistically but I know they're out there. I can even understand to a point. But I feel he's writing about something very real, some profound intersection of idealism, perversion, will to love and blind disgust/hate that we all have in us in some form. I think there is a connection between HH's lust for Lolita and his loathing of her mother; there is a passage of heart-crushing depth near the end of book that touches unmistakably on that--its a passage that most people might not even notice, I didn't for the first several times I read the book. Maybe I should write something about it when I return to SStack. Its a deep knot of misogyny yes, but its bigger than that I think.
Anyway, let me know what you think of the essay if you find it. I suggested it because it is a very masculine guy thinking in a completely impractical and quick-silver, emotionally/mentally complex way.
Though now that I think of it, he didn't really conform to traditional masculinity as most people see it.
"But I began learning how to hide."
Possibly the key line in the whole piece? Men's adapted ability to hide from themselves (in the guise of hiding from others) explains so much.
"Violent, selfish, lazy and cowardly." Yes a lot of men are that way. But so are a lot of women, even if the violence on their part is more likely to be emotional or channeled through a man. Also the impulse chart: you're leaving off all the good stuff, like art. But your dreams! Your dreams are friggin' eloquent.
Thank you very very much.
Maybe I'll get around to the positive stuff but for now I'm trying to contextualize the negative (or selfish and greedy at least) and maybe meanwhile weaken some of the direct blows that have been coming our way the past few years...
What do you mean re: direct blows? I think I know but want to be sure.
Also this may seem unrelated but have you read any V. Nabokov? I'm thinking in particular of a whimsical essay he wrote titled The Art of Literature and Commonsense.
Mary, I feel I need to acknowledge your extreme grace and wisdom every time I write, so let me do that by saying thank you for writing.
I mean above, is that in my particular circles, since, 2017, Trump, #metoo, etc., some of the women have had a hard time separating SOME MEN from ALL MEN, and I feel like I've suffered some reactive, verbal vengeance not necessarily personally deserved.
But since in the long scheme of things it's not much to bear, I've taken it, but I feel like writing this is helping me explain things a little. Also, things have quieted down, things are less acute in the public sphere.
Re: Nabakov: I've read and LOVED the essentials, Lolita, Pale Fire especially, a couple dozen short stories, but not much more beyond that. I will certainly read the essay you mentioned.
It's related to the above. In the same "circles" (I'm calling them), Nabokov is written off now as a pedophile, or least celebrator of them.
Truth is, I know more utter Nabokov fiends who are women and not men, but in general, the superficial tone these days is to lump Nabokov in with *potential* abusers.
Thanks again for writing.
(Your book *This is Pleasure* was utterly clear in it's wide ranging ability to see far into topics like these, thank you.)
This is so much to reply to! I would rather email but can't see what it is. But please, you don't have to acknowledge any grace or wisdom on my part. I have just been so confused and actually "out of it" in my life that I've had to think harder about many things than most people.
So now I know what you mean. I'm glad to say I don't personally know anyone who reads Nabokov so simplistically but I know they're out there. I can even understand to a point. But I feel he's writing about something very real, some profound intersection of idealism, perversion, will to love and blind disgust/hate that we all have in us in some form. I think there is a connection between HH's lust for Lolita and his loathing of her mother; there is a passage of heart-crushing depth near the end of book that touches unmistakably on that--its a passage that most people might not even notice, I didn't for the first several times I read the book. Maybe I should write something about it when I return to SStack. Its a deep knot of misogyny yes, but its bigger than that I think.
Anyway, let me know what you think of the essay if you find it. I suggested it because it is a very masculine guy thinking in a completely impractical and quick-silver, emotionally/mentally complex way.
Though now that I think of it, he didn't really conform to traditional masculinity as most people see it.
Mary, you (or anyone else) can email me at tom@sequentialartistsworkshop.org